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Anyone, actually.

I just feel like waltzing to Mozart, or Chopin, or just slow dance to Sakamoto.

I just want to dance with someone okay.

So while I was waiting for the bus to come, right? This girl who I thought looked familiar and went, "Hey, Jireh! Do you know what the homework for AP Lit is?" and I was like, "Hi! The only homework we had was the college essay that she wanted us to do," and we had small talk for a bit. Then she goes, "Oh, my name is Alyse, by the way." So I went ahead and did what a normal human being will do. I told her that it was nice to meet her.

LOL NO

I smiled and nodded.

I nodded.

This is real. This is me.

so last night i dreamed about stuff

• my crush
• yeah
• and i dreamed my classmates in the philippines and i were at a camp
• a church camp
• we were singing came to my rescue by hillsong united
• it was beautiful
• and then i grabbed my crush's hand and we went to a playground
• where we saw this guy from tumblr
• with his friend who was from tumblr too
• i think she's kinda pissed at me
• and that we saw a flying truck
• and we ran away from it
• to this ghetto place with plastic slides
• and
• i had three kids - girls
• one of them is named ginny
• which would never happen
• ever
• and
• i am getting married
• soon
• and i was at this cake-tasting thing
• and my friends in the philippines were there too
• and my fiance whose face i can't remember was going to take me out to dinner
• and then i looked in the mirror
• and i was karen gillan
• and i was getting interviewed by the press
• because i was karen gillan
• which would never happen
• she is way too gorgeous
• and famous
• but yeah
• it was bizarre

sorry if this didn't make sense

i was just jotting stuff down

yep

I hope you have an amazing birthday! I am continually praying for your well-being, and I just hope that you have many many more birthdays to come.

I feel awful, to be honest. You always make me awesome fics for my birthday but I can't even write crap if I wanted to, so I can't give you anything. ): I was going to make a video for you but MY FACE. I'm so so sorry. ): ): ): You deserve the best, and I suck, so I just wrote this instead of a wall post on your FB page because I don't think that's enough.

UGH, sorry talaga. I still might make a video for you, although it might be a little late. So right now, I just want to tell you how much I miss you and the rest of the class, but mostly you LOL. So ang lungkot ko naman since the last time I actually had a conversation with you was like what, two years ago? I really miss you, you know. You're like, the only person I know who's in the same Japanese fandom as I am, and I've been missing a lot since I haven't talked to you in a while. ): We should Skype sometime. Sama mo na rin sina Ysabels and Jolens para masaya. :)

Love you~! ♥

Jaijai

I wish I was great at anything. Anything at all. I mean, I'm good at something. A lot of things, actually. But I'm not great.

I am smart, but I fail tests that I studied the hardest for. I dress decently, but I'm not fashionable. I am "cute", but I'm not beautiful. I can sing, but I don't have a remarkable voice. I can draw better than an average person (apparently), but my art can never win a contest. I can write, but I will never write a best-selling book. I can sort of play the piano, but never the Mozart, or the Bach, or the Chopin, always the nursery songs. I can dance, but - screw that; I can't even dance if my life depended on it.

There's a lot of things that I can do, but I know for a fact that I don't necessarily excel in those areas. I am a jack (jill?) of all trades, master (mistress?) of none, and that pisses me off. I'm extremely thankful that I can do all those stuff but it really depresses me that I can't talk to people about actually being great at something.

I've always wondered how my life would be if I was a prodigious savant, with a particular talent that I am excellent at. I dreamed of being able to introduce myself in a room full of people as "Hi, I'm Jireh. I'm a music prodigy." or something, instead of "Hi, I like books." There's nothing wrong with liking books, I'm quite proud of being a bookworm, but I'm just sad that there's nothing that defines me. This has become so obvious to me during this past three years when people in my own freaking class have troubles remembering who I was, because I am unremarkable. They finally settled on "the Asian girl", which is just...yeah. I am a very boring person. So boring, even the people around me know me just by my race. Not my personality, not my talents, just my race. Wow.

Sorry, nerdfighteria. Even if I don't forget, I just can't be awesome.

I want to waltz with someone.

Labels: Jireh's whim of the day

Ugh, I am an idiot.

they say it's good to write down your dreams, right?

Dear Frances,

Sigh.